Spartans 8 – Sporting 1

Firstly, an unsavoury incident to report – on Friday keeper Paternek’s house was broken into while he slept. David and his girlfriend are both fine but the intruders did shave both sides of his head leaving a horrendous mohawk that idol Boruc would not even dare try!

The milk man

Spartans made light work of Sporting in their Central Scottish League game at Ainslie Park yesterday. Manager Lamb (a.k.a.Corporal Kilnger from M*A*S*H) was forced to make a late change following the late arrival of Joe Steele. In terms of excuses for his lateness- this truly was a belter. Half an hour before kick off Steele strolled through the changing room door to advise ‘the Corporal’ that his missus had bought the wrong type of baby milk and he was fored to go back to Boots to change it – well done Joe!

Spartans started the game in a similar vein to the previous two outings and it did not take long for the Spartans to open the scoring. The ever present Bannon put in a good cross from the right and Reid finished high into the net (his first goal on 2009 – which has been the focal point of many a changing room debate!). The second goal wasn’t long behind and the deadly Perry got himself into a good position and cooly slotted past the keeper to make it two. Perry then pulled his top over his head to reveal his new T-shirt clearly emblazzoned with the word ‘ASBO!’

The floodgates were always going to open and the front pairing of Fred and Ginger seemed on for a hat-ful. Reid then doubled his tally rising above a defender at the front post from a pinpoint Mitchell corner. At this point Spartans took the foot off the gas and let Sporting back into it. With the back four trying to play football, Sporting created a few chances.  A long ball forward caused panic at the back at Paterek opted not to head the ball clear due to his new hairstyle and the Sporting player nipped in to make it 3-1. Sporting were reduced to 10 men after a needless second booking for the ned of a centre forward, the only thing he did right in the game was kick Sutherland. Reid also missed a sitter after being put through by Perry

Half time hairdrier by the Corporal

A half time ear bashing by the gaffer told the boys that they had been underperforming and that more was expected. Concers rose at the start of the half as both Rae and Burns started to make it over the halfway line. Rae has not made it out of bed today as a result and the drug testers have been on the phone. It was soon to be four and Asbo was on the scoresheet again. Perry raced on to a through ball by Reid and wrong footed the keeper with a fine finish. Reid completed his hatrick minutes later driving into the box and finishing at the front post for his 100th goal for the 2′s. Sporting were reduced to 9 men as the right back had enough of the mauling and saw red for a poor kick at Reid – a yellow would have been suffice.

Chances mounted and Reid got his fourth of the day from another Bannon cross. Boyes then got on the scoresheet with the goal of the game a fine flowing move and a crisply driven strike from 10 yards. A penalty claim was turned down when Reid was interestingly tackled by the Sporting no 7′s head to many a spectators amusement. Tino Douglas then wrapped up the win with a fine curling effort from outside the box – his first goal for the club. Moments earlier a similar range effort ended up on the forecourt of the Morrison’s garage.

A special mention for Monty Burns who managed a 2′s career best performance -  2 efforts at goal, the first a powderpuff drive from the edge of the box and the second a headerwhich Burnsy kindly knocked behind for a bye kick rather than increasing the margin.

Team : Paterek, Young (Steele), Sutherland, Burns, Rae, Bannon, Boyes (Douglas), Mitchell, Zuk (Harris), Reid, Perry

Manza of the Man

Man of the Match: Gary ‘the Cannon’ Bannon -  an excellent display from our squeeky winger who likes quiet nights in and pub quizzes. Always available and willing to run at defenders – the galloping winger caused mayhem for Sporting.

Gaffer Lamb

It has been brought to the attention of the club that Manager Mark Lamb has been concealing his true identity since his arrival at Ainslie Park.  The Gaffer has previously hit it big in M*A*S*H*:

M*A*S*H Corporal Klinger

Sutherland arriving for pre-season training

 Finally, Jeremy Kyle will air a shock Spartan’s paternity test this week:

Mini Monty

Skeleton in Mr Spartan's closet?

The draw for the last 16 and Quarter Final of the M&M Cup was made at the League Meeting on Thursday. Shouldwe overcome Scotia, a tough tie at home to the reigning Scottish Amatuer Champions awaits.

Scotia Athletic or Spartans Vs Eddlewood or Kilsyth